Find joy in your journey through diversity & inclusion.
Lived Experience
I grew up in western Howard County, Maryland. Historically, it is known as an area with very little diversity in race, religion, socio-economic status, political views and so on. As a bi-racial woman, I had a unique experience that shaped how I perceived myself and the world around me. It has guided my wants for my children and truly my hopes for the community as a whole.
The intent of my writing this is to urge parents and educators to be incredibly intentional in how we teach children to not only accept other people but to be genuinely and wholeheartedly excited about them. People should seek out diversity of all kinds and celebrate it. Children need to be taught just how beautiful and necessary it is to find delight in learning about a new culture and being a warm friend to anyone who even remotely feels nervous about being who they are. We want our children to grow up bold and confident and to have a deep love for themselves and others. I am now in a unique position in that I own an early childhood education business in the area in which I grew up. It is such an exciting opportunity to impact children beginning from a young age all the way through their progressions into elementary school with intentions of teaching them lessons that endure well into adulthood. In whatever capacity that you participate in raising children, you have a responsibility to teach them these lessons and to not assume that it will be innate.
I’m going to be vulnerable in hopes that it will help others and prevent other children from feeling the same way. I was a bi-racial person in a predominantly white community, more on the chubby side and not from a family that made a bazillion dollars a year. The last bit is relevant because Howard County is known for having one of the higher mean household incomes not only in the state, but in the country. A large proportion of that wealth is concentrated in the western end. I was hyper-aware that I was different and I was often embarrassed about my differences and felt like I didn’t fit in. The culture proliferated the idea that it was fun and cool to make jokes about people who were different. There was a culture of jokes that became normalized and children became accustomed to participating in them or even making jokes about themselves because it helped them to “fit in”. As you grow up, you reflect and realize just how degrading and sad it was to see amazing and brilliant children from all different races, ethnicities, and backgrounds who didn't feel comfortable to boldly and proudly share about themselves and their families. Children with families who didn’t have outrageously high incomes often felt nervous to invite people over or to do comparisons of gifts received during the holidays. I often wished that I was thinner, fit the beauty standards, and had a place in the established social groups. There were all of these boxes that I was supposed to fit into but I simply didn’t and I felt uncomfortable with who I was. It wasn’t until I moved away that I realized what a farce all of that was.
In my sophomore year of high school I moved to a new school in Columbia, Maryland. The amount of diversity in that school was a culture shock in all of the best ways. It has shaped who I am and has without a doubt made me a better person. One of the most exciting things to me was that there were people of all different socio economic backgrounds. There wasn’t this intense pressure to be impressive and feel like your family made more money than the next family. I came in and I felt good !! For the first time in my life my peers made me feel like I was actually an attractive person. Are you talking to meeee? Also, the racial and religious diversity made me so happy. We had students who proudly sported their hijabs and who would share about their African, Asian, Indian, and middle eastern cultures. Many parents owned local shops and markets. I made so many friends and got exposure to a wide range of foods and customs. Melanin of all shades was celebrated. We had a large population of spanish speaking students as well as other languages. People were better able to openly share with everyone who they were and what makes them unique. There were mini-communities that gave students a space to build connections with people of similar backgrounds but the groups also dispersed and intermingled readily. This was truly a pivotal point for me. Young children and teens are incredibly impressionable. I was told by my new interactions that I was worthy, I was valued, and I was safe. The amount of confidence, knowledge, and empathy that I gained in just that first year was insane. I got a much more accurate glimpse into the real world and I was better prepared to be a good person for not only myself but for other people.
After moving, I stayed in contact with the few friends that I had from the place where I grew up. Even through adulthood I have two friends who I have known since elementary school and we still find ourselves occasionally discussing these things. I now have three young children and live back in the area where I grew up. I also own a school and multiple other businesses in which hundreds of children and families are at our core. This time will be different. There is no other option. It was never an overtly horrible experience that I had; it was a consistent accumulation of comments and interactions that I saved in my mind that impacted my perception of myself and my place in the society in which I grew up. It took leaving to realize how beautiful and wide the world really is.
Be The Change
Children need to start learning this lesson from the very beginning. We don’t get those years back and if you don’t do it for your child, you should do it for someone else’s. My oldest child who is 5 has already had experiences of people telling him they don’t like his brown skin or his amazing curly textured hair. He has been made to feel uncomfortable about the fact that he has a single mother by choice and we don’t have a dad in our family. Two things about our family identity that I am incredibly proud of, he is feeling scrutinized about. It shouldn’t be that way. This place we call home is so unique and serene. We need to make sure it is an inviting and celebratory place for every family who lives here.
There is no true success reached at any point in life if someone doesn’t have the ability to say that they feel a deep love for themselves, are proud of how they treat other people, have discovered a joy that sustains even when happiness waivers. We can all contribute to being a part of the process for our neighbor. By consciously striving to ensure that the bubbles that we have created are blissful and by teaching children to radiate and absorb warmth, we can improve our community one child at a time.
Teach Children Diversity and Inclusion
With preschool aged children, the most important teaching tool in promoting diversity is going to be the children’s environments and resources as well as the adults' attitudes, interactions , and reactions to the world around them.
Children are always absorbing information from their environments. When purchasing stories and toys make sure that they include a diverse range of characters, cultures, abilities, and so on.
Do your research to find resources for toys and stories that are inclusive to people with disabilities and children with developmental delays. You must have racially and culturally diverse toys and literature. These are subtle signs of what we accept as the norm. Let’s set the standard that there is no norm.
If your child asks questions, answer their questions.
Show excitement in answering their questions and use it as a teaching moment for them to learn how to appropriately interact with people who are different from them.
Learn About the Concept of Psychological Safety which is a shared belief held by members of a team that others on the team will not embarrass, reject, or punish you for speaking up. Children need to feel safe to be different and to have thoughts and actions that stray from the status quo. This builds strong children who feel safe to be independent thinkers and assert their feelings, boundaries, and wants.
Speak up when you see something isn't fair
Learn about other cultures and take your children to a wide range of events and activities
Intentionally seek out diverse environments and programs that are intentional in their inclusion
These conversations may be messy. You may not always say the perfect thing and that’s okay. Children will throw you curveballs but that's where learning happens for everyone.
Teaching Children Self-Love
Constantly tell children how much you love them and specifically what you love about them. I was fiercely and intensely loved as a child. It was shown constantly through words and actions. I was taught about affirmations at a young age and watched my mother put it in practice. Children are better able to pour into other people when their cup is full.
Have diverse and inclusive books with main characters that resemble your child and family dynamic. The books should include various settings and reflect the things that your children enjoy.
Participate in activities that celebrate your culture or even just your family and your child
Be cognizant of how you feel about yourself and model self-love. Be careful what thoughts and words you have about yourself. Your children are watching and also do it for you.
Have age-appropriate conversations with your child about identity and all of the “isms”. Conversations allow you to share your values and answer questions your children may have.
Provide them with an idea of how to respond if someone is being hurtful to them and who to go to for help.
If you’ve made it this far- thanks for tuning in. Imagine where your journey could take you with a generation of people who love and provide safe-haven for one another. <3
